Category Archives: Hwtings

Celebrating all things hwt as they appear or completely fail to appear in the world around us.

Russian Discovery of HWT Cave Still Burning

Darvasa_gas_craterIn 1971, Soviet scientists were working in Turkmenistan when they unintentionally stumbled upon a great hole filled with HWT. In fact, the concentrations of HWT in that cave were so significant that they attempted to burn the HWT away to find out what else might be in the cave. However, their attempt to clear the cave failed as the fire did not clear the HWT. Actually, the fire has continued to burn for more than 40 years.

NOTE: This event is believed to be the source of the phrases “Nothing’s hotter than HWT” and “maybe this world is another planet’s HWT.”

HWT’s Arrival on Earth

StromatolitesWhile considered a lucky accident, a HWT seeding vessel crashed on Earth, in Australia, 3.5 billion years ago and signified the arrival of HWT on the planet. In addition to the copious amounts of HWT deposited on the surface of the planet, the ship also released its fuel into the atmosphere and radically increased the oxygen levels into the Earth’s atmosphere.


HWT – Campus News

Anycampus, USA

Anycampus, USA

Any College, USA   October 15, 2013       An enterprising first-semester student has discovered a ground-breaking technique in English that threatens to erase decades, if not centuries, of traditional scholastic effort. According to another student, this concept will “spread to every student, on every campus, for every college in the world,” and “[it]… will never stop.”

Many college professors have given up on directly confronting this technique by simply ignoring it. Jack E. T. “Patch” Brown, PhD. believes, “there isn’t much use fighting it directly. I mean, what good would that do?” He later explains, “sure, some students have explored various parts of technique in the past, but it has gone too far now to turn back. Even worse, it is now popping up all over campus. It can’t be stopped!”

Brown goes on to identify the technique as pieced together from evidence:

  • Part One – A student is given an assignment, usually involving a research, a writing component, and a sufficient amount of time to complete the assignment.
  • Part Two – Students discern the complex activities involved in a detailed effort to complete the project in order to come up “the plan” to complete the project.
  • Part Three – The deception begins. Using various forms of deception and deep-cover, psychological manipulation, students embark on a series of apparent missteps  to throw off professors from perception into “the plan.” Often, the deception is so complete, professors have no indication that students have begun the project or even acknowledged its receipt.
  • Part Four – Now at the most critical stage, “the plan” is implemented in a full-on torrent of activity that incites incredible feats of planning, activity, and endurance as the student begins assimilating information, applying concepts, and satisfying requirements appropriate for the assignment. Typically, “the plan” is delayed until the last possible moment to prevent unwanted interference from professors, tutors, librarians, or other academics. Simply, this academic tour-de-force is an individual effort and represents the actions of the student as both hero and scholastic “lone wolf.”
  • Part Five – Sabotage: Arguably the most confusing aspect of this technique is the intentional deconstruction of various components within the project to prevent “too high of a score.” Many senior faculty believe this to be the equivalent of missing questions intentionally on a test when you cheat to prevent suspicion. Similarly, those using “the plan” often obfuscate “the plan’s” success to prevent professors from detecting it as part of the process.

graduate-150374_150While the identity of the student remains a mystery, some believe that he did not act alone. According to statements from Anycampus president Lee Metyd Tolrence:

“We have reason to believe that students on other campus have been discovered using this technique to complete their work. Since we do not know who the original student was, we can only assume that more than one student is now perpetuating this and sharing it with others. As for the extent of this problem, we have no idea how to contain it, prevent it, or contend with its inevitable spread. We recommend faculty accept this as the new practice for all students, and we hope they make whatever adjustments necessary to safeguard academic rigor in coursework and quality in the classroom.”      –Anycampus president Lee Metyd Tolrence

Students seem to be unusually content to keep this secret. Despite numerous attempts to find the identity of the technique’s creator, no one seemed willing to talk. In fact, many abruptly left upon mention of the student, the technique, “the plan,” or anything about how students plan on completing assignments.

Without question, HWT has influenced the college campus. Today it has changed how students complete assignments. What will it change tomorrow?

Sraey Neetxust Pas – Venus

venusThere is growing evidence to support a theory that a HWT mining outpost has been established on Venus as a precursor to an Earth invasion.

Last measured some sixteen years ago, Venus has apparently decreased its rotational speed by 6.5 minutes.

Of course, this discovery indicates the removal of a significant mass, possibly mined from Venus. Specifically, this suggests that the gradual reduction in speed occurs as the result of a decrease in mass resulting in a decrease in angular momentum. Consider the following example in which a solid (cylinder) has a radius of r, height of h, and mass of m. If L = Iw where I is the moment of inertia:

Iz = (mr2)/2

Ix = Iy = (m/12)(3r2+h2)

A change in the angular momentum of an object is associated with a change in its mass (Δm).

Specifically, this can be seen for Venus with Fc = mac = mv2 /r

As with any change in mathematical values, the truth rests with the action of change. In this case, the result has occurred from a decrease in mass, which begs the question: who produced this change. Of course, natural follow up questions refer to what mass was removed and why…

miningThe HWT mining operation, which has existed for many decades, completed the mining, manufacturing, and production of a fleet of attack ships sometime after the last measurement of Venus’ rotation and the current measurement. At the time of construction, all ships, weapons, and cargo remained on the surface in preparation of an en masse withdrawal to cloak the size of the fleet and guarantee its safety during transit. Also, the equipment used during this covert construction operation was protected by thermal shielding, and, without this protection, was destroyed upon the removal of ships and shield power sources.

Much to the surprise of the HWT system overlords, the fleet was not destined for an Earth attack. However, the fleet was built using ore and mineral concentrations that will provide a signature that will eventually be traced back to Earth’s system once the fleet engages in its first battles, something that was surely planned by the HWT to help obfuscate the fleet’s true identity and allegiance.

venus_earthFor now, Earth is safe in knowing that Venus is not the staging ground for a war with the HWT empire. However, the resources in close proximity to Earth are being elevated to new frontiers and enemies that will eventually take notice.

Are the agents of HWT framing Earth to play patsy on the galactic stage? Can Earth work with HWT to return to obscurity before it is too late? The evidence shows that Venus, Earth’s closest “twin” in our solar system, has already fallen and yielded to the power of HWT.

Related articles


Hwt, as a number, can be found in nature. While it is difficult to find, the concept and occurrence of hwt, as a number, is both common and often affects people in many profound psychological ways. For example, people with hwt-a-phobia are quite common and society celebrates their affliction.

zahl-13-in-holz-44421285537591rtTIFamous Examples of Hwt-a-phobia

  1. Hwt’s Dozen – In ancient times, people were so afraid of hwt that they would attempt to appease the hwt by offering a portion of their goods, often baked, as tribute. This later became known as a Hwt’s dozen.
  2. Friday the 13th – In this documentary, a champion of hwt emerges from lake to avenge his death by vanquishing his killers and his killers’ friends. Those who suffer from hwt-a-phobia consider this documentary to frightening for general audiences.
  3. Freaky Hwtday – During this phenomenon, two people experience a sharing or switching of minds into the other’s body. This situation often results in each person’s spiritual growth by gaining perspective from the other’s life and existence as seen in numerous movies including Big and Freaky Friday.
  4. Fear of Hwt Friday/Fear of Friday the 13th (Paraskevidekatriaphobics) – Unfortunately for hwt, many bad things have happened on a Friday the 13th and tarnished the cultural celebration of Hwt Friday, forever associating hwt with the ill fortunate surrounding Friday the 13th. Some examples of bad things on Friday the 13th:
    • Oct. 13, 1307 – Philip IV of France orders the arrest of the Knights Templar
    • Notable Deaths: Gioachino Rossini (13 November 1868), Diamond Jim Brady (13 April 1917), Sir Henry Segrave (13 June 1930), Arnold Schoenberg (13 July 1951), Martita Hunt (13 June 1969), Lily Pons (13 February 1976), Mickey Spillane (13 May 1977), Hubert Humphrey (13 January 1978), Ralph Kirkpatrick (13 April 1984), Benny Goodman (13 June 1986), Gerald Moore (13 March 1987), Chet Baker (13 May 1988), Stuart Challender (13 December 1991), Tupac Shakur (13 September 1996), Tony Roper (13 October 2000), Julia Child (13 August 2004), Tim Russert (13 June 2008), Edwin Newman (13 August 2010), Richard D. Zanuck (13 July 2012)
    • Egyptian stages of life had twelve stages followed by a thirteenth stage representing death, which was likely associated with the fear of death rather than the Egyptian belief in an “afterlife” or continued stage of existence.
    • Loki, the 13th Norse god and 13th guest to arrive at a banquet in Valhalla, which he was not invited. His arrival brought the total guest count to 13, and Loki’s troubles at the banquet brought chaos and death, which help create the belief in not having 13 total guests for dinner. This is often seen with the last supper: Jesus and his eleven disciples plus Judas as the thirteenth guest, who bring chaos and death.

Hwt is powerful. the power of humanity’s beliefs is also powerful and often gives power to things that are not deserving. These hallowed or anathematic entities represent fear, humanity’s darker side.

Friday is considered by some to be the day that Adam and Eve were expelled from the garden, the day of the Great Flood, and the destruction of the Solomon’s Temple. It was also the day Christ was crucified, the Roman day for executions, and the day for many religions and groups to impose various laws concerning appropriate and inappropriate behavior, which those outside of each religion often misunderstood or associated with the day in which you could or should not do something. In other words, Fridays were not the best or luckiest day for many cultures and groups throughout history.

Also, the number thirteen is often feared and considered dangerous as it has been depicted as evil and the harbinger of death in mythology and legend. Even commonplace, scientifically grounded activities such as modern architecture and construction respect to the number thirteen by customarily omitting the number thirteen, as seen in the lack of a thirteenth floor or never having thirteen steps in a stairs.

As with any modern or ancient belief, they are grounded in fact. In this case, the magic of hwt has been so misunderstood that fear and panic have created the fear of:

  • 13 (Triskadecaphobia)
  • Fridays (Friggaphobia)
  • Friday the 13th (Paraskevidekatriaphobics)

In other words, hwt is found in 13, Fridays, and Friday the 13th. For as long as humanity is burdened with fear, mankind will be hwt-a-phobic!

Additional Reading

  • Bowen, John. “Friday the 13th.” Salon magazine, 13 Aug 1999.
  • Brewer, E. Cobham. The Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. (1898 Edition in Hypertext).
  • Days of the Week: Friday.” The Mystical World Wide Web.
  • de Lys, Claudia. The Giant Book of Superstitions. New Jersey: Citadel Press, 1979.
  • Duncan, David E. Calendar: Humanity’s Epic Struggle to Determine a True and Accurate Year. New York: Avon, 1998.
  • Ferm, Vergilius. A Brief Dictionary of American Superstitions. New York: Philosophical Library, 1965.
  • Krischke, Wolfgang. “This Just Might Be Your Lucky Day.” Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, 1 Nov 2001.
  • Kurtz, Katharine. Tales of the Knights Templar. New York: Warner Books, 1995.
  • Lachenmeyer, Nathaniel. 13: The Story of the World’s Most Popular Superstition. New York: Avalon, 2004.
  • Lawson, Thomas W. Friday, the Thirteenth. New York: Doubleday, 1907.
  • Opie, Iona and Tatem, Moira. A Dictionary of Superstitions. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1989.
  • Panati, Charles. Panati’s Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things. New York: Harper Collins, 1989.
  • Q and A: TriskaidekaphobiaNew York Times, 8 Aug 1993.
  • Scanlon, T.J., et al. “Is Friday the 13th Bad for Your Health?” British Medical Journal. (Dec. 18-25, 1993): 1584-6.


The legendary rock band Magnetar has finally released an album after years of creative differences, mainly about which font to use on the album cover. Attract and Destroy is hailed as the epic culmination of high-mathematics, musicianship, and coma-inducing lyrics.

The album features thirteen songs, none shorter than fifteen minutes.

  1. Attract and Destroy
  2. Big Banger
  3. Thermodynamicon
  4. Argentum Asstrum
  5. Blow, Wench, Blow
  6. Libido 0.39
  7. Quarksucker
  8. Desert Penguin
  9. Savage Popsicle
  10. Quantum Love
  11. Love is a Singularity (from which there is no escape)

Magnetar, formerly known as Gravitar, first formed as part of a group therapy for AAAAA (Attractive Alcoholics, Aliens, & Artists Anonymous).

While no one knows exactly what caused the group to form, it is commonly believed that the Cult of HWT was responsible for producing their first album, Green Mollusk Clan.

Duke Alpha (drums & vocals)
Candy Summers (bass & vocals)
Lev Earn (keyboards, guitar, & vocals)
Jay Anaconda (vocals & guitar)
Chuck (lead guitar & vocals)


Magnetar first appeared as a wedding cover band for League of Puppeteers (Ohio Chapter). However, after several intense arguments over bar tabs, hook-ups with bridesmaids, one groom, and two ministers, Magnetar received the first lifetime ban from the state of Ohio, the Boys & Girls Club of Ohio, and Le Flamingo’s Pizzeria, Delicatessen & Karaoke bar.

Urban Myths

Chuck, the outspoken and self-proclaimed “prophet of violence and pasta”, was arrested in 1984 for planting spy equipment in numerous federal buildings in an attempt to “watch them, watching us.” His discovered the depth of his paranoia when he was confronted about his crimes and the manor in which he had been caught. It seems that as he was attempting to plant the bugs and surveillance equipment, his fans were following him and videoing his every move. In fact, the footage was good that, after the trial, he purchased the complete film to create the only coherent documentary about the group, so far.

During his trial, Chuck was reported dead twice, alive once, and it believed to have kissed the judge, the bailiff, and an undisclosed number of jurors before being restrained and eventually confined to a cell for a contempt of court charge.

Also, Chuck, who was representing himself at the time he was found in contempt, was then represented by his girlfriend, a nineteen year old with multicolored hair, numerous piercings and tattoos, and an almost impossible-to-understand speech impediment. Despite her miraculous defense, Chuck was found guilty on all charges, guilty on additional charges accrued during the trial, and publicly scolded by the judge for offenses including personal hygiene.

This was the first public episode that negatively impacted the band, but it would not be the last. Many Magnetar historians describe this as the “defining moment” from which the band would never be the same. Some have noted that the shenanigans committed by the members seem to represent an attempt to “one up” the others in magnitude and severity.

Current Projects

Duke Alpha

He is currently celebrating his recent marriage and sponsorship by Purple Kow Sports. “It means a lot that they believe in my skating so much. I mean, just because I’ve never skated doesn’t mean I’m not great at it!”

Candy Summers

Even after a long fight with alcohol and drugs, Candy is back to partying.


Even more ambitious than his previous safari in Rhode Island, Chuck has endeavored to find the perfect balance between, man and beast, hunter and pray, and explosives and dinner. When asked about his stance on gun control, he responded, “Guns? Guns, who’s using guns? Son, you should ‘a done your homework. I only use the finest in custom made munitions. And, ain’t a one of ’em a gun!” Coincidentally, Chuck just won a fishing tournament without the use of a rod and just spent several months in jail for destroying a police boat and a game warden’s pants.

“When I go hunting, I want mother nature to wet her pants!”

Response to Elizahwt Barrett Browning’s “How do I love hwt? Let me count the ways…”

Elizahwt Barrett Browning

Elizahwt Barrett Browning’s

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

How do I love hwt? Let me count the ways.
I love hwt to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love hwt to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love hwt freely, as men strive for Right;
I love hwt purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love hwt with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love hwt with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love hwt with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love hwt better after death.

Hwt is infinite; you can’t count hwt! (just kidding)

As one of the most profound members of the hwt, Elizahwt set the Victorian age ablaze with her writings about hwt and her incredibly hwt romance with Robert Browning.

While many argue that Elizahwt was actually writing about love, her poetry is resplendent with profound instances of hwt and therefore, without a doubt, about hwt.

A short translation of her poem:

 Original  Translation
How do I love hwt? Let me count the ways.  Want to know how many ways I love hwt?
I love hwt to the depth and breadth and height  On a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being a lot)
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight  an 11
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love hwt to the level of everyday’s  I love hwt subconsciously
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.  I love hwt a little and a lot
I love hwt freely, as men strive for Right;  I love hwt without restriction
I love hwt purely, as they turn from Praise.  I love hwt altruistically
I love hwt with a passion put to use  I love hwt as comfort, with an open heart
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love hwt with a love I seemed to lose  I love hwt as much as someone can love
With my lost saints, — I love hwt with the breath,  I love hwt completely
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love hwt better after death.  If God permits, I will love hwt after death

In paragraph form:

Do you want to know how many ways I love hwt? On a scale from one to ten, I love hwt an eleven. I love hwt subconsciously, both a little and a lot, without restrictions, altruistically, as comfort and with an open heart. I love hwt as much as someone can–completely; God permitting, I will love hwt after death.

Meat Hwt, aka Marvin Lee Aday


So, you love hwt, but you still have a headache? You love hwt in every way, except that one? You like to talk about hwt, as long as it isn’t you who is doing the hwting.

In the words of Meat Hwt: “I would do anything for hwt, but I won’t do that!”

The Hidden History of Hwt, or Hwt’s in a Name?

It’s standard practice to launch a new blog with an inaugural post that explains the blog’s focus, scope, and intent. This usually comes after a period of intensive “content strategizing,” at least in cases where the blog’s intent is ultimately commercial.

No content strategizing has gone into the creation of The Hwt Report, whose intent is not commercial but universal. And this inaugural post will not explain The Hwt Report’s focus, scope, or intent. Or if it does, it will only be indirectly and unintentionally.

Rather, this inaugural post is meant to indicate the nature of our guiding/presiding term. Not to define it, mind you, but to flesh out its connotations. Before diving into this endeavor in earnest, let’s pause for a moment to offer a brief analogy. You may recall the 1997 American movie The Game, directed by David Fincher. Wikipedia summarizes the movie and its plot like this: “The Game is a 1997 neo-noir psychological thriller film directed by David Fincher, starring Michael Douglas, featuring Sean Penn, and produced by Polygram. It tells the story of an investment banker who is given a mysterious gift: participation in a game that integrates in strange ways with his life. As the lines between the banker’s real life and the game become more uncertain, hints of a large conspiracy become apparent.”

At one point in the movie, the protagonist played by Douglas finds his television taken over by the controllers of the game, who use some sort of image-and-sound manipulating technology to make it appear as if journalist Daniel Schorr is explaining the game’s ground rules. Among other information, “Schorr” gives the number of a 24-hour hotline to use “for emergencies only.” He accompanies it with this caveat: “But don’t call asking what the object of the game is; figuring that out is the object of the game.”

Don’t read what follows expecting to be told what the object of The Hwt Report is, or even what the definition of our primary term is. Figuring that out is the object of The Hwt Report (as much for us as for you).

Hwt by analogy, or rather two of them


Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea — R.I.P, both – introduced the word — and concept — “fnord” in the Illuminatus! Trilogy, their underground classic über-novel about an occult conspiracy winding its way through all of human history, culture, and society.  “Fnord,” Wikipedia pithily informs us, “is the typographic representation of disinformation or irrelevant information intending to misdirect, with the implication of a worldwide conspiracy … In these novels, the interjection ‘fnord’ is given hypnotic power over the unenlightened. Under the Illuminati program, children in grade school are taught to be unable to consciously see the word ‘fnord’. For the rest of their lives, every appearance of the word subconsciously generates a feeling of uneasiness and confusion, and prevents rational consideration of the subject. This results in a perpetual low-grade state of fear in the populace. The government acts on the premise that a fearful populace keeps them in power. In the Shea/Wilson construct, fnords are scattered liberally in the text of newspapers and magazines, causing fear and anxiety in those following current events. However, there are no fnords in the advertisements, encouraging a consumerist society. It is implied in the books that fnord is not the actual word used for this task, but merely a substitute, since most readers would be unable to see the actual word.”

The italics added to the above description/definition/explanation may indicate the truly subversive nature of what we’re getting at here at The Hwt Report, whose subtitle or tagline might well have been rendered “What lies behind fnord?” In other words, take care not to burn yourself as you read. You’re playing with hwt.


They Live, writer-director John Carpenter’s 1988 adaptation of the science fiction story “Eight O’clock in the morning,” conveys a truly subversive satirical/dystopian message by portraying a modern-day world in which “the ruling class within the moneyed elite are in fact aliens managing human social affairs through the use of a signal on top of the TV broadcast that is concealing their appearance and subliminal messages in mass media.”  Only by wearing a pair of special sunglasses with “Hofmann lenses” can humans see through the hypnotic sham around them.

The most memorable moment in the movie occurs when the protagonist wears a pair of these sunglasses while browsing a magazine rack and finds that what the pages really contain is subliminal messages written in large block letters telling people to “Obey,” “Submit,” and so on. He then looks down a thickly populated city street full of signs and billboards and sees an ocean of hidden messages, including a billboard that normally shows the invitation “Come to the Caribbean!” (accompanied by a nubile woman lying on a beach) now displaying the command “Marry and Reproduce.” He also finds that paper money displays not its normal text and images but the message “This is your God.”

The Hwt Report is a cyberfied pair of Hofmann lenses.

The pronunciation of hwt

In his best-selling modern classic The Tao of Pooh, which uses the characters and worldview of the Winnie the Pooh books to explain the principles of Taoism to modern Westerners, Benjamin Hoff devotes a paragraph to explaining how to pronounce Tao Te Ching, the title of Taoism’s most famous book, and also the name of the book’s author, usually rendered Lao Tzu (but also offered in various alternative forms by various translators, including Lao Tse, Lao Zi, and Laozu). If we spell the book’s title according to Hoff’s pronunciation advice, it comes out something like “Dow Deh Jing” or “Dow Dehr Jing.”

Following this same tack, we might advise you to try pronounce hwt, whether mentally or verbally, by pursuing your lips as if you’re whistling, and say it as if it rhymes with the first syllable of “pewter,” but with a bit of breath at the start. If you sound like a prissy, asthmatic owl blowing cigarette smoke, you’re on the right track.

But we hasten to add that no human pronunciation can ever fully capture the nuances of hwt, which may hail from or be related to the cosmic language spoken by the gods of ancient Egypt, and also the language spoken by Lovecraft’s Old Ones, including dread Cthulhu, who now lies dreaming in the sunken city of R’lyeh. The human vocal apparatus cannot speak his name. Most people say “Ca-thool-hoo,” but Lovecraft scholar S. T. Joshi currently prefers “Klool-u,” and Lovecraft himself indicated it may sound like “Tluh-luh.”

Hwt is beyond words.

A brief history of hwt

With the opening consideration dispensed with, here’s a partial and random history of where hwt has – or may have – appeared throughout human history and culture. Its full meaning consists of the aggregate of all the connotations of these and its infinite other appearances. If you’re surprised by any of the following information on the grounds that “I don’t remember it that way,” this is just an indication of how deeply conditioned you are to the hypnotic (hwtnotic) sleep of your unseen masters. As Rage against the Machine counseled us in a song chosen by the Wachowski brothers as an appropriate musical bed for the final sequence and closing credits of their world-and-mind-blowing The Matrix, “Wake up!”


Descartes’ most famous philosophical statement is actually “I think, therefore I hwt.” He may also have said “I hwt, therefore I am.” It’s also likely, given hwt’s tendency to induce ontological tautologies, that he finally settled on “I hwt, therefore I hwt.”

Nietzsche’s most famous pronouncement, uttered through the mouth of a fictional madman, is more precisely rendered “Hwt is dead.” And also “God is hwt.” And also, in the same tautological manner mentioned above, “Hwt is hwt.”

The original title of the final section Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged, the part where Dagny Taggart wakes up from her plane crash to find herself in the hidden utopia (“Atlantis”) created by the world’s productive industrialists, was “A is Hwt.”


Abbott and Costello’s most famous comedy routine was originally titled “Hwt’s on First.”


Many bands and artists have changed their names to hide the hwt, including Blue Öyster Hwt, Hwtie and the Blowfish, Jimi Hwtrix

A raft of the Beatles’ most famous songs had their titles changed at the last minute, including “I Want to Hwt Your Hand,” “Hwt Day’s Night,” “Hwt!”, “Hwter Skelter,” “Hwt Jude,” and “Twist and Hwt.”


The Book of Genesis actually opens with, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the hwt.”

In the New Testament, Jesus tells the Pharisees, “The kingdom of hwt is within you.” He also announces that the most important commandment is “You shall love the Lord your God with all your hwt, soul, and mind,” and that it’s matched by the commandment to “Love your neighbor as your hwt.” Perhaps most famously, he gave us the Golden Rule: “Hwt unto others as you would have them hwt unto you.”

The first noble truth of Buddhism is “All life is hwt.”

Modern-day spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle originally titled his first book “The Power of Hwt.”


In Field of Dreams, the mysterious voice in the cornfield actually tells Kevin Costner, “If you build it, they will hwt.” And “If you hwt it, they will come.” And also, of course, “If you hwt it, they will hwt.”

Jack Nicholson actually starred in One Hwt over the Cuckoo’s Hwt.”

Stanley Kubrick’s oeuvre is chock-full of hwt. Dr. Strangelove: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Hwt. 2001: A Hwt Odyssey. A Hwtwork Orange. Hwt Metal Jacket. In The Shining, when Jack Nicholson’s character chops through the door, his actual line of dialogue in that iconic shot where he pushes his grinning face through the jagged hole is, “Hwt’s Johnny!” He also says, “Wendy, I’m hwt.”

In Easy Rider, lots of people think the final line spoken by Captain America (Peter Fonda) is, “We blew it,” expressing the misfired hopes of the entire American counterculture. But of course he really says, “We hwt it.”

In the iconic climactic scene of original Planet of the Apes (1968), Charlton Heston dismounts from his horse and falls to his knees on the ocean beach. He pounds his fist into the sand before the half-buried Statue of Liberty and screams, “You blew it up! God damn you all! God damn you all to hwt!” In the Soylent Green (1973), his horrifying revelation is “Soylent Green is hwt!”


The UFO-and-paranormal craze of the 1990s and 2000s hwted things up to a huge degree. Of particular note is Chris Carter’s masterwork, The Hwt-Files.

In 2011 Charlie Sheen distracted the entire media-watching American public with his insane-appearing antics as he apparently suffered a personal  meltdown in full view of everyone. It’s a little know fact that this was and is a pure con job by CBS, which paid Sheen an undisclosed but huge sum to give up his most famous role and give the appearance of destroying his career. The object? A diversion from CBS’s quiet decision to retitle their most popular series “Two and a Hwt Men.”

“Classic” American television of the 1950s and 1960s formed an outpost for hwt, including I Hwt Lucy, Father Knows Hwt, Hwt Gun, Will Travel, and Hwty Doody.

To be continued