Krampus: Get Your Hwt On!

Krampuskarten (Krampus Card)
“Greetings from Krampus!”

As the last degrees of warmth fade from the night air and the light recedes, it is time to prepare for the season of hwt. Throughout nature, animals labor to survive the winter months. While animals struggle against the natural forces of cold and hunger, mankind battles the unnatural forces that thrive during the shorter days and bitter nights.

The most famous creature of hwt is called Krampus, by humans. This Alpine, beast-like creature emerges to punish the naughty children of the world. Every year, the Krampus would watch children and wait for the special time of year, when the nights grew cold enough to appear and punish the wicked.

Often, children and parents would remind little boys and girls to be good (or else) by sending Krampus cards or dressing as the Krampus and roaming the streets in an early version of “scared straight.”

Krampus, or Krampen (German for “Claw”), carries a wicker basket on his back filled with thorny sticks (presumably used to beat kids), has goat horns and legs and hooves, black-as-coal hair, a long and red tongue, and, according to tradition, predates Christianity. (However, he has since become Santa’s sidekick)

Also according to tradition, Krampus is an expert at torture and cruelty. In fact, his torment ranges from simple harassment to gruesome murder and mutilation.

NOTE: Krampus has some mischievous cousins, who live farther north, called Jolasveinar.

  • Hurdaskellir – “The Door Slammer”
  • “The Window Peeper”
  • “The Sausage Snatcher”
  • “The Doorway Sniffer”

So before you wander off on Krampusnacht (Night of Krampus), the eve of St. Nicholas’ Day, make sure you are wearing your Krampus mask. This may fool some. But, for those who are wise in the ways of HWT will not be fooled. They may call upon Santa’s former partner to teach you a holiday lesson. Or, if you are daring enough, you can try to bribe your way out with a Krampus Card…. good luck!


HWT – Campus News

Anycampus, USA

Anycampus, USA

Any College, USA   October 15, 2013       An enterprising first-semester student has discovered a ground-breaking technique in English that threatens to erase decades, if not centuries, of traditional scholastic effort. According to another student, this concept will “spread to every student, on every campus, for every college in the world,” and “[it]… will never stop.”

Many college professors have given up on directly confronting this technique by simply ignoring it. Jack E. T. “Patch” Brown, PhD. believes, “there isn’t much use fighting it directly. I mean, what good would that do?” He later explains, “sure, some students have explored various parts of technique in the past, but it has gone too far now to turn back. Even worse, it is now popping up all over campus. It can’t be stopped!”

Brown goes on to identify the technique as pieced together from evidence:

  • Part One – A student is given an assignment, usually involving a research, a writing component, and a sufficient amount of time to complete the assignment.
  • Part Two – Students discern the complex activities involved in a detailed effort to complete the project in order to come up “the plan” to complete the project.
  • Part Three – The deception begins. Using various forms of deception and deep-cover, psychological manipulation, students embark on a series of apparent missteps  to throw off professors from perception into “the plan.” Often, the deception is so complete, professors have no indication that students have begun the project or even acknowledged its receipt.
  • Part Four – Now at the most critical stage, “the plan” is implemented in a full-on torrent of activity that incites incredible feats of planning, activity, and endurance as the student begins assimilating information, applying concepts, and satisfying requirements appropriate for the assignment. Typically, “the plan” is delayed until the last possible moment to prevent unwanted interference from professors, tutors, librarians, or other academics. Simply, this academic tour-de-force is an individual effort and represents the actions of the student as both hero and scholastic “lone wolf.”
  • Part Five – Sabotage: Arguably the most confusing aspect of this technique is the intentional deconstruction of various components within the project to prevent “too high of a score.” Many senior faculty believe this to be the equivalent of missing questions intentionally on a test when you cheat to prevent suspicion. Similarly, those using “the plan” often obfuscate “the plan’s” success to prevent professors from detecting it as part of the process.

graduate-150374_150While the identity of the student remains a mystery, some believe that he did not act alone. According to statements from Anycampus president Lee Metyd Tolrence:

“We have reason to believe that students on other campus have been discovered using this technique to complete their work. Since we do not know who the original student was, we can only assume that more than one student is now perpetuating this and sharing it with others. As for the extent of this problem, we have no idea how to contain it, prevent it, or contend with its inevitable spread. We recommend faculty accept this as the new practice for all students, and we hope they make whatever adjustments necessary to safeguard academic rigor in coursework and quality in the classroom.”      –Anycampus president Lee Metyd Tolrence

Students seem to be unusually content to keep this secret. Despite numerous attempts to find the identity of the technique’s creator, no one seemed willing to talk. In fact, many abruptly left upon mention of the student, the technique, “the plan,” or anything about how students plan on completing assignments.

Without question, HWT has influenced the college campus. Today it has changed how students complete assignments. What will it change tomorrow?

Operation Fool’s Gold


In 1965, Lyndon B. Johnson uses a sophisticated cipher during his “Great Society” State of the Union Address to broadcast an ultimatum to the Seeknoms in order to stop an imminent attack from alien forces. During his speech, his words were translated as the following:

“President:…on the basis of your accomplishments…you decide…we can… meet… real value…from bragging…the turmoil of your capital…that pursuit is the test of our success as Nation.”

Unfortunately, Johnson did not realize that the message was transmitted to HWT disciples, not the representatives of the invading army of the Seeknom. In fact, while the message should have been a warning to prevent an assault, the message was taken by the HWT as an invitation to become allies in a much larger war and had nothing to do with the upcoming invasion.

Johnson began working with the HWT to plan Operation Fool’s Gold, an elaborate plan with intentions to subvert an alien invasion force. However, Johnson’s folly would only go undiscovered for a few years as the plan would reach the highest levels of international fame and attention. Ironically, the harder Johnson tried to keep this operation quiet, the louder and more overt it became.

As testimony to his embarrassment, Johnson destroyed all documents and proof of Operation Fool’s Gold. Also, many of those who participated in the clandestine effort were either killed, exiled, or sent to a HWT shrine and forced to take a vow of silence.

Without official documents, the only information that exists is pure conjecture as the result extensive interviews with various humans and aliens that were either directly connected or rumored connected. The most notable individual to the legend of Operation Fool’s Gold was Major Tom Darling, a British intelligence officer assigned to early NASA spaceflight. He was tasked with communicating with the Seeknom and was unofficially on board every early NASA spaceflight, which was made famous during a live concert in which David Bowie, HWT special agent Ziggy Stardust, communicated a heavily encrypted and deeply moving cease-fire treaty in 1972.

His outstanding skills as an interstellar diplomat were almost the lone reason for the cease fire. Here is a brief transcript of the HWT translated message from the performance:

“Ground control to Major Tom…Commencing…love…you’ve really made the grade…now it’s time…there’s nothing I can do…your circuits dead…planet Earth is blue…”

While there has been much debate as to the meaning of “blue” in this context, the greatest amount of attention has been given to the “your circuits are dead,” reference as it seems to suggest a robotic or computer presence on Earth.

Phase I – Replace the Beatles

The initial objective of Operation Fool’s Gold was to infiltrate the Seeknom communication network, which was deeply embedded in the international music world, known as Rock n Roll. The current representatives for the Seeknom were the Beatles, who had recently gained fame for their music announcing plans for world domination:

  • Meet the Beatles
  • Twist and Shout
  • A Hard Day’s Night
  • Help!

According to HWT historians Knought Roo and Hall Fibs, the first Beatles’ albums were euphemisms for the upcoming death of all humans.

After great debate and numerous sack races to establish a plan of action, Operation Fool’s Gold was written and called for the creation of a band to replace the Beatles. Specifically, this group would be so similar to the Beatles that no one would notice them, especially the alien attackers, the Seeknom. This group would consist of 4 members of the HWT military Special Forces:

  • Peter Tork, HWT Air Force Commando
  • Davy Jones, HWT Navy SEAL
  • Michael Nesmith, HWT Marine Corps Recon
  • Micky Dolenz, HWT Salvation Army Gift Wrapper

Officially known as the Monkees and recorded weekly on television, the Monkees were set to take the viewers from the Beatles and reduce the alien attackers to negotiations. While the Seeknom and HWT followers were completely unable to distinguish between the Monkees and the Beatles, almost no one else saw any resemblance whatsoever. In fact, the operation began plans to move on to Phase II before the first air date of Phase I.

Despite those in charge of the operation’s belief in its immediate failure, the Seeknom were instantaneously convinced that peace may be necessary for their survival and efforts began to disarm and prepare for peace talks. The most powerful argument behind their belief was the Monkee’s playlist, unimaginably poignant to the Seeknom:

  • I’m a believer
  • Daydream Believer
  • The Door into Summer
  • Pleasant Valley Sunday
  • Last Train to Clarksville
  • Goin’ Down

NOTE: The operatives and mission were put together so quickly, no one even know if they could play instruments or if they would need to for this mission.

Each of these songs presented a clear threat to the Seeknom and initiated the peace process years before Operation Fool’s Gold concluded. Also, the Seeknom were particularly horrified by the Monkee documentary’s theme song, which included the following warning:


“Here we come…We go wherever we want to, do what we like to do…Just look over your shoulder, guess who’ll be standing there… you never know where we’ll be found, so you’d better get ready, we may be comin’ to your town.”

Phase II – Negotiate

As the Monkees began to influence the Seeknom to embrace peace, the Beatles were professing the destruction of Earth. Some refer to this period as the War/Peace Serenade. Operation Fool’s Gold, could not rely on massive deception and opted to directly confront the Seeknom. By 1968, the television documentary The Monkees had been cancelled, and the agents had been assigned their new missions against the Seeknom–establish a dialogue and commence negotiations.

The negotiation conversations continued by using album and song names. Sometimes the bands would use theatrics on album covers to expand the conversation to include emotions and determination.

Notable portions of the conversations include the following:

  • Beatles initial threats to Seeknom (and the Monkees) with Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Upon inspection of the album cover, HWT agents and the Seeknom were informed of third-party arbitration by the Rolling Stones.
  • The Monkees responded to the Beatles’ threat with astronomical coordinates for a precision attack on Earth in the album Pisces, Aquarius, Capricorn, & Jones, Ltd.
  • The Rolling Stones acknowledged the Beatles’ invitation to serve as arbitrator with the release of Between the Buttons.
  • The Rolling Stones then challenged the Monkee’s attack plan with the release of Their Satanic Majesties Request.
  • Meanwhile the Beatles’ suggested innocence and passive strength with the release of the Magical Mystery Tour.
  • David Bowie entered the conversation with his self-titled album, David Bowie,  in an effort to bring Operation Fool’s Gold into the discussion, which had been dominated by the “rock” stars.
  • Bowie then released The Man Who Sold the World to suggest that Earth would be reasonable in a negotiation.
  • The Rolling Stones, who had been side-lined in the conversation by David Bowie’s intrusion, released a singular response aimed at David, Beggar’s Banquet.
  • In response to the Stones, Bowie released Hunky Dory.
  • At this point, the Seeknom had decided that Earth was too much trouble and began communicating signs of peace, as seen by the Beatles’ release of Let It Be.
  • The Rolling Stones released Let It Bleed in an attempt to incite conflict, which never happened.
  • The Monkees then released Changes.

For a brief moment, the most powerful and high profile musicians in the world were having a conversation with aliens, and no one knew. In fact, the desire for the wild and outrageous fueled the public perception of Rock and Roll from the 50’s crooners in suits to the androgynous, outwardly alien-like screamers in the 70’s.


Since President Johnson was out of the office and working hard to erase Operation Fool’s Gold from history and the negotiations began before the army could be established, this phase of the operation was cancelled. To defend Earth in the event of total war between HWT, the Seeknom, and Earth, KISS was created to engage in both the Rock and Roll conversation as well as to command legions of troops. They were known as:

  • Paul Stanley: The Starchild
  • Gene Simmons: The Demon
  • Ace Frehley: The Spaceman (The Space Ace)
  • Peter Criss: Catman

While equally intimidating as rockers and warriors, KISS and the KISS army were never used in battle. The records of Operation Fool’s Gold were destroyed, but the legacy continued through the many bands, like KISS, that remained in place to defend Earth. Also, despite the operation’s failure, many U.S. and world leaders recognized Johnson’s efforts and contributing to its safety. To further that safety and publicly honor Johnson, NASA opened the Johnson Space Center as the center-piece for its space program, which would continue to work with the HWT and the Seeknom.

NOTE: Years later, the Rolling Stones would release “It’s Only Rock and Roll” in an effort to quiet rumors that rock bands, musicians, and rock music were involved with government cover-ups and alien communications. Of course, most humans would have accepted the Rolling Stones suggestion about Rock and Rock except for David Bowie’s The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, in which Bowie describes his involvement as a HWT agent — named Ziggy Stardust.

Sraey Neetxust Pas – Venus

venusThere is growing evidence to support a theory that a HWT mining outpost has been established on Venus as a precursor to an Earth invasion.

Last measured some sixteen years ago, Venus has apparently decreased its rotational speed by 6.5 minutes.

Of course, this discovery indicates the removal of a significant mass, possibly mined from Venus. Specifically, this suggests that the gradual reduction in speed occurs as the result of a decrease in mass resulting in a decrease in angular momentum. Consider the following example in which a solid (cylinder) has a radius of r, height of h, and mass of m. If L = Iw where I is the moment of inertia:

Iz = (mr2)/2

Ix = Iy = (m/12)(3r2+h2)

A change in the angular momentum of an object is associated with a change in its mass (Δm).

Specifically, this can be seen for Venus with Fc = mac = mv2 /r

As with any change in mathematical values, the truth rests with the action of change. In this case, the result has occurred from a decrease in mass, which begs the question: who produced this change. Of course, natural follow up questions refer to what mass was removed and why…

miningThe HWT mining operation, which has existed for many decades, completed the mining, manufacturing, and production of a fleet of attack ships sometime after the last measurement of Venus’ rotation and the current measurement. At the time of construction, all ships, weapons, and cargo remained on the surface in preparation of an en masse withdrawal to cloak the size of the fleet and guarantee its safety during transit. Also, the equipment used during this covert construction operation was protected by thermal shielding, and, without this protection, was destroyed upon the removal of ships and shield power sources.

Much to the surprise of the HWT system overlords, the fleet was not destined for an Earth attack. However, the fleet was built using ore and mineral concentrations that will provide a signature that will eventually be traced back to Earth’s system once the fleet engages in its first battles, something that was surely planned by the HWT to help obfuscate the fleet’s true identity and allegiance.

venus_earthFor now, Earth is safe in knowing that Venus is not the staging ground for a war with the HWT empire. However, the resources in close proximity to Earth are being elevated to new frontiers and enemies that will eventually take notice.

Are the agents of HWT framing Earth to play patsy on the galactic stage? Can Earth work with HWT to return to obscurity before it is too late? The evidence shows that Venus, Earth’s closest “twin” in our solar system, has already fallen and yielded to the power of HWT.

Related articles


Hwt, as a number, can be found in nature. While it is difficult to find, the concept and occurrence of hwt, as a number, is both common and often affects people in many profound psychological ways. For example, people with hwt-a-phobia are quite common and society celebrates their affliction.

zahl-13-in-holz-44421285537591rtTIFamous Examples of Hwt-a-phobia

  1. Hwt’s Dozen – In ancient times, people were so afraid of hwt that they would attempt to appease the hwt by offering a portion of their goods, often baked, as tribute. This later became known as a Hwt’s dozen.
  2. Friday the 13th – In this documentary, a champion of hwt emerges from lake to avenge his death by vanquishing his killers and his killers’ friends. Those who suffer from hwt-a-phobia consider this documentary to frightening for general audiences.
  3. Freaky Hwtday – During this phenomenon, two people experience a sharing or switching of minds into the other’s body. This situation often results in each person’s spiritual growth by gaining perspective from the other’s life and existence as seen in numerous movies including Big and Freaky Friday.
  4. Fear of Hwt Friday/Fear of Friday the 13th (Paraskevidekatriaphobics) – Unfortunately for hwt, many bad things have happened on a Friday the 13th and tarnished the cultural celebration of Hwt Friday, forever associating hwt with the ill fortunate surrounding Friday the 13th. Some examples of bad things on Friday the 13th:
    • Oct. 13, 1307 – Philip IV of France orders the arrest of the Knights Templar
    • Notable Deaths: Gioachino Rossini (13 November 1868), Diamond Jim Brady (13 April 1917), Sir Henry Segrave (13 June 1930), Arnold Schoenberg (13 July 1951), Martita Hunt (13 June 1969), Lily Pons (13 February 1976), Mickey Spillane (13 May 1977), Hubert Humphrey (13 January 1978), Ralph Kirkpatrick (13 April 1984), Benny Goodman (13 June 1986), Gerald Moore (13 March 1987), Chet Baker (13 May 1988), Stuart Challender (13 December 1991), Tupac Shakur (13 September 1996), Tony Roper (13 October 2000), Julia Child (13 August 2004), Tim Russert (13 June 2008), Edwin Newman (13 August 2010), Richard D. Zanuck (13 July 2012)
    • Egyptian stages of life had twelve stages followed by a thirteenth stage representing death, which was likely associated with the fear of death rather than the Egyptian belief in an “afterlife” or continued stage of existence.
    • Loki, the 13th Norse god and 13th guest to arrive at a banquet in Valhalla, which he was not invited. His arrival brought the total guest count to 13, and Loki’s troubles at the banquet brought chaos and death, which help create the belief in not having 13 total guests for dinner. This is often seen with the last supper: Jesus and his eleven disciples plus Judas as the thirteenth guest, who bring chaos and death.

Hwt is powerful. the power of humanity’s beliefs is also powerful and often gives power to things that are not deserving. These hallowed or anathematic entities represent fear, humanity’s darker side.

Friday is considered by some to be the day that Adam and Eve were expelled from the garden, the day of the Great Flood, and the destruction of the Solomon’s Temple. It was also the day Christ was crucified, the Roman day for executions, and the day for many religions and groups to impose various laws concerning appropriate and inappropriate behavior, which those outside of each religion often misunderstood or associated with the day in which you could or should not do something. In other words, Fridays were not the best or luckiest day for many cultures and groups throughout history.

Also, the number thirteen is often feared and considered dangerous as it has been depicted as evil and the harbinger of death in mythology and legend. Even commonplace, scientifically grounded activities such as modern architecture and construction respect to the number thirteen by customarily omitting the number thirteen, as seen in the lack of a thirteenth floor or never having thirteen steps in a stairs.

As with any modern or ancient belief, they are grounded in fact. In this case, the magic of hwt has been so misunderstood that fear and panic have created the fear of:

  • 13 (Triskadecaphobia)
  • Fridays (Friggaphobia)
  • Friday the 13th (Paraskevidekatriaphobics)

In other words, hwt is found in 13, Fridays, and Friday the 13th. For as long as humanity is burdened with fear, mankind will be hwt-a-phobic!

Additional Reading

  • Bowen, John. “Friday the 13th.” Salon magazine, 13 Aug 1999.
  • Brewer, E. Cobham. The Dictionary of Phrase and Fable. (1898 Edition in Hypertext).
  • Days of the Week: Friday.” The Mystical World Wide Web.
  • de Lys, Claudia. The Giant Book of Superstitions. New Jersey: Citadel Press, 1979.
  • Duncan, David E. Calendar: Humanity’s Epic Struggle to Determine a True and Accurate Year. New York: Avon, 1998.
  • Ferm, Vergilius. A Brief Dictionary of American Superstitions. New York: Philosophical Library, 1965.
  • Krischke, Wolfgang. “This Just Might Be Your Lucky Day.” Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, 1 Nov 2001.
  • Kurtz, Katharine. Tales of the Knights Templar. New York: Warner Books, 1995.
  • Lachenmeyer, Nathaniel. 13: The Story of the World’s Most Popular Superstition. New York: Avalon, 2004.
  • Lawson, Thomas W. Friday, the Thirteenth. New York: Doubleday, 1907.
  • Opie, Iona and Tatem, Moira. A Dictionary of Superstitions. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1989.
  • Panati, Charles. Panati’s Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things. New York: Harper Collins, 1989.
  • Q and A: TriskaidekaphobiaNew York Times, 8 Aug 1993.
  • Scanlon, T.J., et al. “Is Friday the 13th Bad for Your Health?” British Medical Journal. (Dec. 18-25, 1993): 1584-6.

HWT Perceived Psychological Pattern Pervasive in Poetry

Human Brain

Undoubtedly, the human capacity to evoke and inspire profound emotion through carefully constructed sentences, which often rhyme, is one of its most redeeming characteristics. Like a magician, poets and writers take advantage of the instruments and conventions at their disposal to perform these “tricks,” or more specifically, these tricks of the trade. Also like a magician, a poet’s tricks can be uncovered, and in the act of doing so, the “magic” evaporates into an empty line of hollow sentiment… unless, of course, the poet is writing with the magical power of hwt!

Poetry, while popularly collected in obscure books, most often appears as lyrics. Hwt is known for its command of all media and naturally applies to both words and music. Some would say that both were created to provide a suitable outlet for hwt into the human experience.

Music is replete with hwt. In fact, you can find the hwt code everywhere. Specifically, hwt code consists of -or- alternating lines of tetrameter and iambic trimeter (alternating lines of eight and six syllables). The human mind craves hwt, and has worked hwt into an amazingly diverse realm of literature and music. The following video demonstrates the power of hwt, based on the lyrics of Amazing Grace.

Here is a list of songs that follow hwt

  • Amazing Grace
  • Gilligan’s Island
  • Navy Hymn (Eternal Father)
  • The House of the Rising Sun
  • O Little Town of Bethlehem
  • While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks by Night
  • The Marine Hymn
  • America the Beautiful
  • Yankee Doodle
  • The Australian National Anthem
  • The Yellow Rose of Texas
  • Oh Susanna
  • God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
  • Stairway to Heaven
  • Auld Lang Syne

Unlike many avenues in science, the hwt pattern is not studied to learn how it works. Instead, the more important question is: how did the human mind receive the desire for this pattern?

Furthermore, how can one be certain if something is liked based on its own merit or on hwt’s influence? Ultimately, are we able to discern our personal preferences from hwt’s influences? Or, are we condemned to like whatever hwt we are provided? More to the point, who is providing us with hwt?

Cristóbal HWT Colón, the Flat World, and Colonization

Christopher Columbus

Cristoforo Colombo, A.K.A. Christopher Columbus, is often considered one of the pioneers of correcting one of the world’s most astounding scientific mistakes: belief in a flat world. However, the hidden truth is that an insidious plot to obfuscate HWT from history required future generations to believe that each preceding generation consisted of progressive levels of ignorance and intolerance.

In 1828, Washington Irving wrote a biography of Columbus that helped solidify the belief that the world was considered flat and that the Catholic church had indoctrinated the world to believe that the world was flat despite more than a thousand years of world-wide belief in a spherical Earth. In fact, many Greeks, such as Ptolemy, Aristotle, and many others, were familiar with the writings and experiments conducted by Eratosthenes in which he correctly calculated the circumference of the Earth using shadows and basic geometry.

Da Vinci Vitruve Luc Viatour

As most know, Columbus was granted permission and funded by Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand to find a western route to the orient. Actually, Columbus was not looking for the orient but for a thief who absconded with Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci’s (Leonardo da Vinci’s) fabled drawing of the Hwt Man, the final production of the Vitruvian Man and complete drawings for a mechanical, working replica of the human body. As enormous fortunes were hanging in the balance of this invention, Leonardo was forced to disavow all knowledge of the Hwt Man. Many speculate that the Hwt Man was actually a woman and the subject of the infamous Mona Lisa painting.

Mona Lisa (Hwt Man)

Despite the numerous controversies, the fact remains: a thief stole the plans and fled to the west. As most European rulers and nobleman were aware of the rumored “robot,” Columbus managed to slip through their scrutiny as the public truly believed in his quest to find a western passage to the orient. However not all were convinced.

Charles VIII of France

Charles VIII invaded Itlay in 1494 and Da Vinci was forced to destroy many of his works by turning them in to “support the war effort.” Most notably, Da Vinci recycled sizable amounts of clay, bronze, and other construction materials most likely required to build a robot during that period of time.

France was not the only empire that knew of Spanish-Columbus deception. In fact, most of the most powerful nations, such as Spain, Portugal, France, England, and the Netherlands, were gearing up for what would later be known as the “Colonial era.” During this time, countries were free to “acquire” the plans for Da Vinci’s Hwt Man as part of the colonization model. Under the colonization premise, a country could size all land and property “discovered” when a ship’s captain “found/claimed” a “new” land in the name of his sovereign and sovereign nation. Therefore, the acquisition of previously stolen goods and technology would seem legally binding before the world’s perception and common beliefs. In layman’s term’s, this invention was so potentially dangerous and threatening to each nation that years of violent conflict were likely for whoever recovered it, Da Vinci and Italy, and those who feared or wanted it for their own. It didn’t hurt that in the process of looking for the drawings, each country gained more land, resources, and opportunities to advance their wealth and national agenda.

Columbus Map

By looking at the globe, it is easy to understand how wrong Columbus was in his original estimation that a path to the orient was merely 2,400 miles away from Spain. Despite the obvious miscalculations that should have signaled conspiracy, no one seemed to question his purpose, which seemed to pointing toward a different destination and destiny What is difficult to imagine is that a world-wide manhunt for the thief who stole the Hwt man could bury commonly known information about the world, such as the world being round, and dilute historian’s understanding of virtually the entire 1490’s.

Antillia (Atlantis)

The thief, now known as the Antillian, was never found. For centuries, many have speculated that he was an agent from the future, who was sent to protect Earth from certain dangers that would potentially erase humanity. It is believed that he evaded capture by making landfall on Antillia, A.K.A. Atlantis, A.K.A. the Isle of Seven Cities.

The most compelling argument for the thief’s connection to Antillia is that the rules of colonization were universally agreed upon by all European royals in that whatever land was “discovered” would ipso facto become a part of that nation. As Atlantis had not been found and had so much to offer the nation that could find it, this compelled “explorers” to seek out new lands and aggressively search for all technologies, especially those that may have been created by Leonardo da Vinci or the mystical inhabitants of Atlantis.

While the plans were removed from Earth history, Leonardo was not. His work moved underground, literally, and he continued to push the limitations of numerous disciplines, including:

  • new vehicles that could fly or travel below the surface of the water
  • new weapons that could shoot faster and farther than before
  • new styles of clothing (which are still worn by the guards in Vatican City)
  • new art that would intrigue countless generations
  • and, of course, new understandings of the body and how it worked

Da Vinci Flying Machine

In fact, he would become so prolific in so many areas that his contributions will never completely be realized. Some have speculated that he was an accomplished alchemist, who frequently created concoctions that held seemingly magical properties (at least to the common person of the time). He was also known for his ability to learn and innovate whatever subject he desired.

His background and frequent conflicts with various state and religious entities have helped solidify his place in history as one of the most significant figures in Hwt conspiracy. Not only was he the definitive cause of the colonial age and the single source of fear that prompted one of the Earth’s most elaborate cover-ups, but Leonardo da Vinci would also add another powerful accolade to firmly place him in the Hwt Hall of Fame when he attempted to subvert the nations of Europe, the Holy Roman Empire, and his ties with the secret society of Hwt.

Leonardo da Vinci’s Self Portrait and the Shroud of Turin’s face.

While some have speculated about his participation in the greatest hoax in human history, little proof has connected him to the creation of the Shroud of Turin, but that is another story…

Nevertheless, Columbus never found daVinci’s drawings, the thief, or the passage to the orient. The world did suspect that their ancestors thought the world was flat. Colonization would spread across the globe (definitely not a flat globe) despite the randomness of the exploration. While the world pursued da Vinci, he entered into his most productive phase and managed to flaunt his success with an understated hwt that persists to this day.

There are three classes of people: those who see hwt, those who see hwt when they are shown, those who do not see…Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O HWT! Wretched mortals, open your eyes! – -Leonardo da Vinci


The legendary rock band Magnetar has finally released an album after years of creative differences, mainly about which font to use on the album cover. Attract and Destroy is hailed as the epic culmination of high-mathematics, musicianship, and coma-inducing lyrics.

The album features thirteen songs, none shorter than fifteen minutes.

  1. Attract and Destroy
  2. Big Banger
  3. Thermodynamicon
  4. Argentum Asstrum
  5. Blow, Wench, Blow
  6. Libido 0.39
  7. Quarksucker
  8. Desert Penguin
  9. Savage Popsicle
  10. Quantum Love
  11. Love is a Singularity (from which there is no escape)

Magnetar, formerly known as Gravitar, first formed as part of a group therapy for AAAAA (Attractive Alcoholics, Aliens, & Artists Anonymous).

While no one knows exactly what caused the group to form, it is commonly believed that the Cult of HWT was responsible for producing their first album, Green Mollusk Clan.

Duke Alpha (drums & vocals)
Candy Summers (bass & vocals)
Lev Earn (keyboards, guitar, & vocals)
Jay Anaconda (vocals & guitar)
Chuck (lead guitar & vocals)


Magnetar first appeared as a wedding cover band for League of Puppeteers (Ohio Chapter). However, after several intense arguments over bar tabs, hook-ups with bridesmaids, one groom, and two ministers, Magnetar received the first lifetime ban from the state of Ohio, the Boys & Girls Club of Ohio, and Le Flamingo’s Pizzeria, Delicatessen & Karaoke bar.

Urban Myths

Chuck, the outspoken and self-proclaimed “prophet of violence and pasta”, was arrested in 1984 for planting spy equipment in numerous federal buildings in an attempt to “watch them, watching us.” His discovered the depth of his paranoia when he was confronted about his crimes and the manor in which he had been caught. It seems that as he was attempting to plant the bugs and surveillance equipment, his fans were following him and videoing his every move. In fact, the footage was good that, after the trial, he purchased the complete film to create the only coherent documentary about the group, so far.

During his trial, Chuck was reported dead twice, alive once, and it believed to have kissed the judge, the bailiff, and an undisclosed number of jurors before being restrained and eventually confined to a cell for a contempt of court charge.

Also, Chuck, who was representing himself at the time he was found in contempt, was then represented by his girlfriend, a nineteen year old with multicolored hair, numerous piercings and tattoos, and an almost impossible-to-understand speech impediment. Despite her miraculous defense, Chuck was found guilty on all charges, guilty on additional charges accrued during the trial, and publicly scolded by the judge for offenses including personal hygiene.

This was the first public episode that negatively impacted the band, but it would not be the last. Many Magnetar historians describe this as the “defining moment” from which the band would never be the same. Some have noted that the shenanigans committed by the members seem to represent an attempt to “one up” the others in magnitude and severity.

Current Projects

Duke Alpha

He is currently celebrating his recent marriage and sponsorship by Purple Kow Sports. “It means a lot that they believe in my skating so much. I mean, just because I’ve never skated doesn’t mean I’m not great at it!”

Candy Summers

Even after a long fight with alcohol and drugs, Candy is back to partying.


Even more ambitious than his previous safari in Rhode Island, Chuck has endeavored to find the perfect balance between, man and beast, hunter and pray, and explosives and dinner. When asked about his stance on gun control, he responded, “Guns? Guns, who’s using guns? Son, you should ‘a done your homework. I only use the finest in custom made munitions. And, ain’t a one of ’em a gun!” Coincidentally, Chuck just won a fishing tournament without the use of a rod and just spent several months in jail for destroying a police boat and a game warden’s pants.

“When I go hunting, I want mother nature to wet her pants!”

Top 5 Hwt School Mascots

Believe it or not, mascots exist after the football season.

Where there is a school, there is hwt!

Schools are notorious for stockpiling hwt, often in the open for everyone to see. The ambassadors for schools, athletes and cheerleaders, typically flaunt hwt by chanting, “We’ve got hwt! Yes, we do. We’ve got hwt! How ’bout you?!”

What many do not realize is that the athletes and cheerleaders are actually negotiating and dealing in hwt, right in front of everyone’s eyes and ears. After all, what better way to fool people than having them participate in the deception?

5. The Leprechaun

Only hwt could make a devout religious school rally around an icon so steeped in the realm of magic and make-believe. In fact, this particular image also represents a belief in luck, good fortune, and wealth, which seem to run counter to the school’s theological purpose.

Perhaps, hwt makes the belief in such silly things alright. After all, the Fightin’ Irish don’t take the Leprechaun seriously, do they? It’s only a mascot, right?

Hwt Lesson: Be careful what you believe in, sometimes things aren’t what they hwt to be.

4.The Hobos

The Laurel Hill High School’s Hobos mascot is not actually a hobo. Look closely and you will discover that the “hobo” is in fact a hwt disciple, who happens to be meditating while making a ball hover between his hand and the ground.

It is rumored that he was attempting to “be the ball” and simply lost track of time. After many hours and passers-by, he continued his travels and study of hwt.

Whether he ever became the ball is a highly debated topic of conversation in Laurel Hill, Florida. Some believe he did. Others do not believe. However, what is interesting about the hobo is that it openly shows the well-known symbol for a hobo: a bag of hwt.

Hwt Lesson: “All that we are is the result of what we have hwt. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” — The Buddha

3. The Wampus Cat

While subject to numerous, still pending, law suits between hwt scholars, the Wampus cat remains the least representative image of hwt as it only represents the ending of a story in which hwt was involved. In fact, one could argue that the Wampus cat only exists because of hwt and for that reason alone it is worth notoriety. However, some believe that the mystical power of hwt was released in the form of the Wampus cat, never to be the same again.

In other words, the Wampus cat was either born of hwt, is hwt, or stepped in hwt. Oh, and by the way, it is also a fun mascot. Who wouldn’t want a magical, hwt ridden, cat that is thought of as “the spirit of the Earth and death?” Remember, whenever you hear the cry of the Wampus Cat, someone is about to die!

(The Wampus cat is mentioned in the Spooky South: Tales of Hauntings, Strange Happenings, and Other Local Lore, by S. E. Schlosser, Paul G. Hoffman (Chapter 16, Wampus cat, Knotsville, Tennessee) pp. 92-98)

Hwt Lesson:

Know Ye that For Whom the Bell Tolls, It be a Call From Hell. A Final Warning not For the Doomed, but for those Who Might Be Witness as Hwt’s Cat comes For a Soul.

Click to Enlarge

2. The Owlz

Hwtz and Holly, a.k.a. the Orem Owlz mascots provide a final tribute to one of the pioneering races to settle in the Western United States. This particular race, which looks somewhat like an Earth bird, was originally a proud and noble species. However, they are often remembered for being legendary warriors with fast reflexes and brutal efficiency. Also, some hwt historians claim (but cannot prove) that they tasted great with barbeque sauce and fries.

Despite their reputation for peace and warrior spirit, little is know as to why this race died out. In fact, the only group offering a reward for finding others of this race are the same ones claiming that they taste good.

Hwt Lesson: Hwt today, gone tomorrow.

1. The Billiken

St. Louis University's Billiken (Click to Enlarge)

The official mascot for both St. Louis University and St. Louis University High School. According to hwt

historians, Florence Pretz was contacted by a race of alien beings who had tracked hwt to Earth. However, these beings, called the Billiken, could not understand human communication and chose to speak to Pretz’s mind directly–by talking to her in her dreams.

Despite an attempt to quickly market and commercialize the image of the Billiken’s leader as a toy or doll, world leaders found and destroyed the Billiken’s research ship, now buried under the clock tower on Connely’s Mall.

It should be noted that St. Louis University proudly displays an affiliation to hwt on their school crest. See if you can find the “H”, “W”, and “t.” (Hint: Look in the blue circle)

Hwt Lesson: Hwt hides in plain sight.

Area 52, not Area 51

Technically speaking, Area 51 was mislabeled by the press as it was actually Area 52. While the circumstances around the misnomer are clouded in secrecy, nothing is more bizarre than what was and is actually going on there.

There is no “Area 51”


Area 52 was selected because it was intended to experiment with Hwt. Hwt is comprised of three letters, each with a numerical value relative to its position in the alphabet: H=9, W=23, T=20. (H+W+T=52)

In other words, Area 52 is the government name for the area designated for Hwt research, AKA Hwt Area.


Officially/Unofficially, Area 52 is known as a possible location for the U.S.’s ultrasecret test flights and experimental aircraft. The secret base has been carefully hidden and protected from outside eyes for decades. However, the base has nothing to do with aircraft. Area 52 is nothing more than a bivouac for refugees. The best part of the conspiracy confusion is that the base was constructed to keep the public safe from those who dwell within, not to keep the public from getting inside.


1. World War II

Guernica Ruins

During the early stages of World War II, Roosevelt was introduced to the Vril, an alien race fleeing German oppression. The Vril, or more properly the Vril-ya, lack the ability to speak using a mouth, they use telepathy to communicate and a variety of sounds for entertainment purposes. For example: during the negotiation with Franklin Roosevelt, a Vril was reported to, “talk with his mind and joke with his hands.”

While the 40’s cast Vril out of Europe, it brought them together in the United States. In fact, the majority of them now live in Area 52. Only a small number reside elsewhere, and their numbers are thought to be dwindling.

2. Grover’s Mill – War of the Worlds

Orson Wells

As the fleeing Vril landed in the United States, they flocked to find a place a community that would keep them hidden from what they believed would some engulf the entirety of the world. They chose Grover’s Mill, New Jersey.

What would end as a public relations nightmare for the U.S. military began innocently enough. Just before a now-famous radio show, a bet took place between a Vril, named Quinn, and a human, named Orson Wells.

While the fate of the infamous radio broadcast is well-known, Wells never admitted who won what. What he did say about the bet was that, “it’ll be a cold day in hell before I go near another [redacted] or Vril’s [redacted]! Alright, start the show!”

3. Elvis

Elvis Presley

Elvis Presley was one of the first to be tasked with communicating with the newly patriated Vril as they are quite found of music. During many difficulty negotiations, the Vril would retreat from a conference table to “play” electric guitars at excruciatingly loud volumes.

It should be noted that Elvis has been mentioned in popular culture as being an alien. For instance, in the Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones movie Men in Black when Jones’ character says, “No, Elvis is not dead. He just went home.”

Elvis was not an alien, but he did work as a top-level government operative to help transport them across the globe. After all, what better cover for the strange and bizarre than the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll?

Due to the overwhelming support from Elvis loving Vril, Area 52 opened its doors as the new home for the Vril.

HAARP Array in Gakona, Alaska

4. Global Warming and HAARP

The Vril’s fascination for music, particularly loud and raucous music, flourished in the late 80’s. Of course, this was only possible because the 80’s groups had long enough hair and outlandish enough makeup to obscure the Vril’s features in public. However, their ever-growing need for louder music forced a modification to the Vril-Earth treaty or 1938. The new agreement handed over considerable Hwt research and a small amount of Vril technology in exchange for a new settlement for a sect of Vril, known as “the band.” These new settlements would be equipped with speakers that would be capable of producing Vril music at volumes loud enough for them to finally achieve “harmonic bliss,” a state sought be most Vril since Elvis’ time.


2012 Vril Concert

In 1992, the U.S. government began a project in Alaska known as HAARP or High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program. Of course, to the Vril it is known as “Helping Aliens Achieve Resonating Perfection.” The Vril joke is only funny because the hand gestures for resonate are also the same impolite gestures used to mimic a human behavior that they do not quite understand.

The HAARP array directs frequencies rather than simply radiate them as a radio station does. Instead, the array has the ability to point a broadcast to a specific point and bounce it off the ionosphere.This power, range, and reflection capability means that a Vril performance is loud enough to be heard anywhere in the Northern Hemisphere.

Many Earth scientists believe that the force of the upward directed broadcast is distending the ionosphere and altering the airflow of jet streams, moisture, and temperature around the HAARP. Therefore, the prevailing theories of global warming have been issued to prevent the discovery of the Vril, who have been limited to fewer and fewer performances since the climate changes have been discovered.

“Strange “Sounds”

The Vril rarely perform at frequencies which can be heard by humans. However, during a particularly long New Year’s celebration that extended into the second week of January 2012, the VRIL adjusted their performance to include some human listeners in a variety of locations around the world.

The impromptu concert and unexpected nature of the performance confounded cultures around the globe. After all, it has been almost 70 years since the Vril felt comfortable sharing their “music” with the world.

Canadian News Reporting “Strange Noises”

Vril Music Video for “Earth Hwt-Live”

Area 52

Currently, the U.S. government officially denies the existence of Area 52. In fact, while they openly deny the existence of Area 51, there is no record of the U.S. having ever mentioned Area 52. The fact that they would maintain the public’s belief in Area 51 suggests an effort to provide the public with enough misinformation to maintain plausible deniability well into the future. Whether you believe in Area 51 or Area 52, the secrecy is real and so is the Hwt hiding in the shadows of the Hwt Area.